Oddly Liberating

Posted by Bitten Usagi at 12:19 AM
Tonight I deleted a lot of my blogs.  Not posts, but blogs I had started.  Now I'm down to this one, my photography website and my family blog.  It feels good, too.  For years I've felt I needed everything separate.  Manga reviews here, makeup etc here, book reviews here.  In fact here I still struggle with what I want to include on this blog as for a long time this was meant to be my "secret" part of the interwebz.  This way it made sense to keep it and the family blog separate but now I'm not sure as I really don't feel like keeping this blog that way anymore so then I wonder if I shouldn't just combine it all.

That idea is a little bit anxiety-ridden for me for some reason, though.  It's kind of funny to me right now, actually.  Though I guess it goes along with how I felt once earlier today.  This blog is wholly ME whereas the family one focuses on the family (uh, duh).  This week I lost another lip ring and I thought, as I have the last dozen times it's happened that maybe it's time to give up my last lip piercing, so I didn't put it back in.  Then, suddenly, I started to miss it on day 3 and tried to put one back in.  It's gone.  My last lip piercing (of only 2 originally) is gone and I was crushed.  I honestly cried and wondered WTH I was thinking by leaving it out.  Then today I took out one of my ear piercings to clean the hoop and my ear and it's one of my first piercings besides my lobe piercings so it's been one I could always put back in without looking.  Until today.  I kinda lost it for a bit, suddenly feeling like these things that were a part of me, just me, were suddenly all fading away and they were doing so so much faster than I was ready for.

I did get the hoop back in, but my ear is pissed.  For some reason when I'm pregnant my ears get really angry about my piercings.  It's weird but it happened when I was pregnant with D, too.  They get very sensitive and after Cody tried to help me he said it looked like some of the skin was torn, so I'm babying it and the rest of my ear piercings with some Bactine and love.  Now that I think about it I had to start doing that last time, too but I think it was earlier on.

Funny story, as I started this post I thought it would be all about how I was trying to convince myself I needed to keep the two blogs separate and in the second paragraph I realized I really do need them separate.  I think it's hard when you're a parent, you give up a lot for your kids but you also really need to keep you in tact to a point.  They won't always be there needing your every moment and if you give up everything what are you going to have when they get to that point?  Or when you do get breaks?

Ah, nothing like a diary-like blog post, eh?  So now that that's over... uh, new header... updated some stuff in my side bar over there --->  Stuff like my photography logo/link, added my etsy shop preview, updated cosplays and stuff like that.  Not done but feeling a little more me.  Just need to fix up a better about me and possibly add an about me page, I think.  Then maybe I'll be done with the changes I started sometime in the last half of 2013.  XD 

So have you ever given anything up for someone you wish you hadn't?  Or picked something back up that you had previously given up?  Let me know in the comments. ^w^



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