A Guide to Gas Stations

So for those who don't know, I'm a gas jockey, aka I work in a gas station. (No, I will not tell you what one, or even what chain. As much as I may whine, I like my job and most definitely need it). At work today (in between the endless mopping sessions- it snowed today) I was thinking about if I were to write a blog about advice for patrons to gas stations, which is pretty much everyone unless you have someone that does that for you, in which case- SHARE THE WEALTH. So here it is, mostly so I can vent for a moment. Disclaimer- while these are valid points I try for the most part to not be too bitchy about it, but we'll see if that comes across.

1. Do NOT bitch about being ID'd for Ciggs, lotto, or booze. Seriously. Now, honestly, I used to be one of those people but you must realize that these places have people who are underage come in and attempt to buy these items with the intention of tricking us into not IDing them and then bam- red card. What does that mean? Well most places your first red card mean a nice big boot out the door. "Thanks for working here, don't come back for your next shift." Yeah that's right most places FIRE their associates for the first red card and if it's not the first it IS the second that gets you the boot. Just take it as a compliment (it's hard to do, I know- I look 12 so I get carded for lottery tix) and go on about your day. Note: ID means a GOVERMENT ISSUED ID- military ID, license or state ID, Green card or Passport. NOTHING ELSE. I also believe it is state law to not accept expired IDs either (it IS ok though if you have your old, hole punched ID AND the paper they give you, but not just one of the two). OH! Most importantly, don't throw your ID at me either- someday I may throw it back.

2. Gas Pumps, oh gas pumps. Those tricky things that you apparently need a degree in rocket science to use. Yeah... most of those things give instructions, either via the screen or a note pasted to the pump, and if you are having trouble DO NOT act like the station attendant is too dumb to help you. We have been trained to work AND troubleshoot almost any problem you may have and the chances of it being an ID-10-T error on your part is much higher than you would like to know.

3. Signs. Specifically: Out Of Order. These signs are self explanatory. No, really. I'm not kidding, if it has those words posted on it, I'm not just selecting things to hang them on randomly just for fun. It. just. doesn't. work. and arguing or pleading doesn't help, trust me, I tried so I wouldn't have to listen to you do it.

4. Those who chew. You will get the date I give you. Whining about what date is on the bottom of the can will only irritate me AND the customers waiting for you to get your shit and get out. If I gave everyone that complained the freshest chew, I would still have chew from 1999.

5. Winning ticket. Yeah. a- I wouldn't work here anymore if I could pick winning numbers. I would be living on my own exotic island drinking something with an umbrella in it. b- I hear this joke a million times a day and it lost it's funny after the 2nd time.

All I ask is for you to keep these in mind the next time you get gas. ^w~ I joke (or at least I attempt) but for the most part these are things that irritate most gas station attendants (I've worked at 2 gas stations) so please, be kind and in the words of Wil Wheaton- "Don't be a dick".