In Absence of Writing

Well another NaNoWriMo has come and gone and this year things are a bit... odd in the aftermath of it.  Let me start off by saying that this was my fifth year doing NaNoWriMo (whaaaaa?) and this was my fourth win.  Several times today, though, I thought about "when I write tonight" and then I was like "wait, no that's over, thank god."

I'm not sure but I think it was my story this year.  I liked it at first, but then I realized I should have been doing a ton more research in October.  I had three weeks and I wasted them.  Now I've been a "pantser" every year I've done NaNoWriMo.  I've never written more than a few character facts and a few events that I knew I wanted to happen, maybe an excerpt or two of those events.  I never start with what writers are supposed to start with like an outline.  I fly by the seat of my pants, hence "pantser".

So I was off to a horrible start.  Fine, but then it got boring.  I took to bitstrips to vent my frustrations.  (Sorry if you hate bitstrips but I love them IF the creator actually edits it to be more than the boring panels that are the default message).

So then I threw in some real villains rather than just the bitchy girl antagonist and it still just wasn't enough.  There were times that I was like oh I like this scene but previous years?  I LOVED scenes.  I cried, laughed and cursed at my characters and their story.  This year it was pretty much all cursing and not like previous years where I was like "you idiot don't do that!" it was more like "could you be any more one-dimensional and awful??"

I honestly hate my first draft and not just a little bit.  With a passion.  I now have 4 rough drafts and only three are interesting enough to me, the writer, to touch again.  In fact I almost have a second draft for one of them if I'd sit down and work it all out.  I guess I feel like I wasted the month.  This year's NaNoWriMo doesn't even feel like a win really.  I wrote but... that's it.  I wrote.  I guess that in itself is an accomplishment having written 56,169 words but it just feels like a hollow victory.

*sigh*