3/7/10

My Pride's Nutshot

Posted by Bitten Usagi at 10:50 PM
Today my pride took a shot to the nuts.

Warning: I will likely offend someone with this post.
Any PETA members should turn around and walk away now.

You have been warned.

I can't believe I'm actually going to blog about this but seeing as I only have like half a dozen readers so far here we go....

My hubs and I are moving to a nearby town. A guy he knows is renting the place to us and the previous tenant just left. As in "left most of her shit" left. So the place is trashed but we're getting free rent for cleaning it up.

Now... why does my (as a female) pride have nuts and not lady parts?

Well my explanation is that I was raised by a single mother, who happened to be a tomboy and raised me to fix shit on my own. I can hook up a car stereo (and I refuse help in doing so & pushing your way in will only end in wire cutters protruding from what used to be an eye socket), I helped my Gramps remodel the house, I can change my own oil and look down on boys who can't (sorry boys who can't I'm sure you're great and all but yeah....) and so on.

Don't get me wrong I am girly, but this love of stilettos is a new development. I never fell in love with shoes until I was 21. That was only 4 years ago, pretty damn late compared to most girls. Same with makeup. Hell I still don't even wear it every day.

So I pride myself on being tougher than most girls (yeah even though I whine about poor ol' chivalry sitting in the corner of the room rocking back and forth from being beaten nearly to death by the feminist movement and crying for it's mommy). Well except when it comes to spiders.

Spiders are my kryptonite.

Anyway... So we're cleaning this house today and we're moving this lil set of drawers when Cody tells me to get ready to kill a mouse.

Armed with a scoop shovel (srsly this is how we're cleaning this cow's junk out of this house) I am ready to kill.

Cody moves the tiny dresser and the assault begins.

All until this furry lil guy gets in the corner of the room and gives me puppy dog eyes. I "aww"d like a freaking girl and then Cody yells at me and I remember the job at hand.

Until the little bastards runs at my feet.

I jumped around like a freaking pansy and screamed like a girl.

*facepalm*

At this point I give Cody the shovel and guard the door (like I'm going to be that much help now that I've gone pansy). So he gets the nasty lil bugger and then laughs about how I was fearless 'til I got the puppy dog eyes and such and I laugh too, 'cause looking back at it it had to look hilarious. So I decide to take my mind off of the embarrassing moment by moving the set of drawers the rest the way through the living room.

I was a foot away from the door when another mouse ran out of the drawers at my feet.

The first display of girly squimishness was nothing compared to this round.

I danced around like a damned fairy screaming at the top of my lungs.

At this point I felt my pride take one right in the nuts. It was curled up on the floor in the fetal position gasping for breath as I tried to catch my own breath and my throat burned from screaming.

In just over a week my husband and I will have been married for 3 years. We've been together for a total of about 5 years or so. So there should be no embarrassing moments left to be had right? WRONG. I was utterly mortified. Still am. Even after confessing to Cody at the hockey game that it was probably the single most embarrassing moment of my entire life. Even after he said it was fine and not that embarrassing I'm still like "omfg when did I become such a freaking girl?!?"

So yeah... today was the day my pride took a nut shot. We've still got ice applied to the area in question and he's popping vicodin like it's candy. Hopefully tomorrow we will be able to put the incident behind us, move forward and hopefully procreate some day.

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