Art History Final- Survived.

So our professor for our Art History class is also a professor at CSU and they're still in classes this week or he had a final there at the same time or something so he said we'd have a sub. "So if you walk in and someone else is standing here, don't freak out." Lol. This prof was awesome but the material and tests were a total bitch. Like stab yourself in the eye just to have an excuse for sucking on the test, hard kind of tests. We're jamming tons of artwork, artists and art periods all on one test. This final was over- 17 art periods (all of which we need to know the time period for), 80 artists and 82 artworks (there were more talked about but slides to study was only 82). Yeah, pain.

So our tests are a bunch of multiple choice of identifying an artworks either art period, date, or artist as well as a few multiple choice of just random info like "What psychiatrist's work inspired the artists of the ___ period?". Then there is the dreaded essay in which we have two artworks which we much compare and contrast in addition to knowing the artist, art period and dates.

So our sub was Chip, who is probably the most hilarious prof in the entire university, no joke. He collects shoes. Yes HE collects shoes and he has quite the impressive collection of funky colored sneakers. I once watched him teach a student how to knock on a door. He opens the door, tells her to stay right there and then do what they talked about. He shuts the door and she knocks. Then he opens the door and says "Hey! How are you, come on in!" Then says "See how that works?" and I almost fell of the floor in laughter. It was nothing less than amazing.

With that being said, here (finally) is the funnies from today's final. Chip cracked a few jokes here and there "oh this is definitely Monet" on works that weren't, etc. Then the best comment all day was made.

One of the multiple choice questions was this work by Jeff Koons:



And Chip says "Oh those Italian pornstars" and the entire room erupts into laughter. Some of us are even giggling three slides later. It was epic.

Then comes the essay and yay I knew both of the works, their time period and their date and one of the artist's name. Crap. So I shit you not this is what I wrote:

The first work is a feminist work by a woman whose name escapes me at this point and time. Heh, oops. So then I just kept referring to it as "the feminist work" and then as I'm finishing the last paragraph, BAM! Barbara Kruger! So I go back and go to change it and realize how lengthy my little sentence was, and hoping that my prof and his sense of humor can appreciate my intial effort merely cross out (with one line) my orginal statement from "a woman" on and write her name above it. Hope he gets a laugh out of it anyway, I know I sure did.

A Guide to Gas Stations

So for those who don't know, I'm a gas jockey, aka I work in a gas station. (No, I will not tell you what one, or even what chain. As much as I may whine, I like my job and most definitely need it). At work today (in between the endless mopping sessions- it snowed today) I was thinking about if I were to write a blog about advice for patrons to gas stations, which is pretty much everyone unless you have someone that does that for you, in which case- SHARE THE WEALTH. So here it is, mostly so I can vent for a moment. Disclaimer- while these are valid points I try for the most part to not be too bitchy about it, but we'll see if that comes across.

1. Do NOT bitch about being ID'd for Ciggs, lotto, or booze. Seriously. Now, honestly, I used to be one of those people but you must realize that these places have people who are underage come in and attempt to buy these items with the intention of tricking us into not IDing them and then bam- red card. What does that mean? Well most places your first red card mean a nice big boot out the door. "Thanks for working here, don't come back for your next shift." Yeah that's right most places FIRE their associates for the first red card and if it's not the first it IS the second that gets you the boot. Just take it as a compliment (it's hard to do, I know- I look 12 so I get carded for lottery tix) and go on about your day. Note: ID means a GOVERMENT ISSUED ID- military ID, license or state ID, Green card or Passport. NOTHING ELSE. I also believe it is state law to not accept expired IDs either (it IS ok though if you have your old, hole punched ID AND the paper they give you, but not just one of the two). OH! Most importantly, don't throw your ID at me either- someday I may throw it back.

2. Gas Pumps, oh gas pumps. Those tricky things that you apparently need a degree in rocket science to use. Yeah... most of those things give instructions, either via the screen or a note pasted to the pump, and if you are having trouble DO NOT act like the station attendant is too dumb to help you. We have been trained to work AND troubleshoot almost any problem you may have and the chances of it being an ID-10-T error on your part is much higher than you would like to know.

3. Signs. Specifically: Out Of Order. These signs are self explanatory. No, really. I'm not kidding, if it has those words posted on it, I'm not just selecting things to hang them on randomly just for fun. It. just. doesn't. work. and arguing or pleading doesn't help, trust me, I tried so I wouldn't have to listen to you do it.

4. Those who chew. You will get the date I give you. Whining about what date is on the bottom of the can will only irritate me AND the customers waiting for you to get your shit and get out. If I gave everyone that complained the freshest chew, I would still have chew from 1999.

5. Winning ticket. Yeah. a- I wouldn't work here anymore if I could pick winning numbers. I would be living on my own exotic island drinking something with an umbrella in it. b- I hear this joke a million times a day and it lost it's funny after the 2nd time.

All I ask is for you to keep these in mind the next time you get gas. ^w~ I joke (or at least I attempt) but for the most part these are things that irritate most gas station attendants (I've worked at 2 gas stations) so please, be kind and in the words of Wil Wheaton- "Don't be a dick".